John needed to take some dang allergy medicine last night, and this is how it went down.

> Matt reminds John to take his medicine.

> John establishes a strong opening position: “I don’t want to.”

> Ignoring this, I pour the medicine into the tiny cup, and get out a spoonful of peanut butter, which is what we use to quickly get rid of the medicine taste.

> John sticks his tongue into the medicine and makes a horrible gagging face, to indicate that drinking the medicine may cost him every taste bud and possibly his soul.

> After considering the taste for a minute or two, he asks for and receives permission to put lemonade mix into the medicine.

> After three more minutes of intense consideration, John drops the medicine (accidentally) on the floor.

> Matt makes a joke about how this is a good way to get out of taking medicine. John (offended but also stalling for time) cries.

> We clean the medicine off the floor and pour a fresh cup, while John cries.

> I read the paper while John cries.

> To distract him, Matt whispers to John that they should put ice down the back of my shirt, which would be hilarious.

> Matt puts ice down the back of my shirt.

> I put ice down Matt’s shirt, John puts ice down my shirt, Matt puts ice down John’s shirt, John and I both put ice down Matt’s pants. We win.

> Floor is now sticky and covered with ice chips. Medicine is not yet swallowed.

> Back to business. We tell John seriously to take the medicine.

> John holds the medicine in front of him and stares at intensely, taking the deep bracing breaths that I would take if preparing to walk barefoot across hot coals.

> Michael meows. John groans, exasperated, and says “Michael! Now I have to start all over.”

> The deep breaths recommence.

> I see him mouthing words to himself with his free hand on his chest.

> Suddenly, bravely, and in one gulp, he swallows the medicine.

> Investigation later reveals that he was telling himself that the U.S.A. national team soccer players would probably take their medicine without making a big deal out of it. In fact, that they probably do take medicine all the time. And since he was wearing a U.S.A. soccer jersey at the time, it was like he was also a member of the team. So he better just take it, and that’s what he did.

USA! USA! USA!