“Out, damn’d spot! out, I say!”
I went to see my neurologist yesterday, and I have a spot. More specifically, I have an enhancing lesion in my brain, but I think of them as spots. In the past, I’ve had tiny white flares that look like stars or flashes on the scan. So small that I can let myself think of them as transient. This time I have what looks like a thumbprint just to the left of center. It’s the first one, and I’m not very happy about it.
My neurologist (who is awesome – I would carry her around in my pocket if I could) still thinks that the drug I’m on right now will work, so we’re giving it a little more time. Again, I feel exposed. I’ll find out in a few months whether I need to try a third option.
But let me end with far more positive news — there was plenty of that, too. I haven’t shown any signs of progression in the last year. It’s easy to take that for granted now, but a year ago it would have been parade-worthy news. When I was diagnosed, Matt and I weren’t sure what to expect, but whatever it was, this is better. Further, I can actually do a few things that I couldn’t do a year ago. Nothing crazy, but little tests show my balance is better and my right side is stronger.
So all in all: I’m great. Terrific. I’m so, so lucky.
But I still wish, like Lady MacBeth, that I could get rid of this damned spot.