Appointment Pending

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Yikes. I have an appointment with my neurologist on Monday. I do not have a history of getting good news from neurologists, so it’s a bit nerve wracking.

Years ago, a very wise woman helped me learn to face uncertainty this way. First, imagine the best and worst possible outcomes. Then, ignore them. Chances are that reality lies somewhere in the middle.

So, best case: this has all been a big mistake.

Worst case: it’s not MS – instead it’s something worse. And fast. And fatal.

Ruling both of those out: my neurologist is will probably make encouraging noises but she’ll also notice that there have been some mild changes. I know my balance and stamina are a little bit worse than they were a year ago, but not monumentally so. Hopefully the drugs are controlling what they should. They’re not miraculously curing me, but my gut says that they’re contributing to the reasonably slower pace of progression.

What I’m really trying to focus on is that this appointment doesn’t matter so very much. Unless there’s a miracle drug that I’m not aware of (or unless my MRI shows something very unexpected), nothing the doctor says will significantly change things for me. What does matter is that I live the best life possible, and that I feel really great right now. That’s what’s true and that’s what’s good. The bad — the scarier things to come — will just have to wait.

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